Family Constellations – a new offering coming soon!


I’m exceptionally pleased to be facilitating this full day workshop – FOR THERAPISTS – on Family Constellations Therapy. Since this is a branch of work I’ve been studying for awhile now in order to provide it as an offering within my own work.

I’ve brought together two utterly fabulous people to teach both myself and others interested in learning!

NOTE: all three of us have a particular desire for this workshop, which is to enable and facilitate Queering the modality i.e. to make it thoroughly accessible to the LGBTQIA+ communities. We’ve found that often Family Constellations work can be explicitly binary-gendered, both in ancestral and individual client terms; and we’d very much like to adapt that wherever we can and/or need to.

So we have TWO fabulous family constellations therapists coming to teach this work for us throughout this day. For the morning we will be taught theory and working with individuals by Rose, and in the afternoon we’ll be guided into the group work by Rafe.

Rose C Jiggens is a multi modality practitioner working with individuals, couples and groups since 2007. She supports people in a wide range of enquiries to do with relationships, sexuality and life purpose. Her cross disciplinary practice enables her to choose the best tool for an enquiry, her trainings include Family constellations, Rebirthing Breathwork, Neo-Tantra and Bioenergetics.

Rafe Nauen was born in 1950 in Orpington Kent. He is married to Julie Bowman and has 8 children and 14 grandchildren. He works in Derby as an EFT, NLP and Family Constellation practitioner to private and business customers. The workshops and one to one sessions are places where people can find out quite a bit more about who they really are. His training is in working with “what is” in other words noticing the links within and without systems – family or other and seeing how the bonds could be shifted to provide better comfort for the clients. His purpose for the day in Chesterfield is to demonstrate and learn how to manage groups and especially how to keep people safe, and yet help them explore just outside their comfort zone as that is where growth can be gained. He works in groups, one to one, and on Zoom or Skype.

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Doing the Work

Tomorrow I’ll be speaking at this conference in Bingley, Bradford, Leeds:

https___cdn.evbuc.com_images_53356362_279475725965_1_originalI’m very excited about this opportunity. Many know that I travel and speak regarding many GSRD (gender, sexuality and relationship diversities) topics I’m working with. I’ve given workshops, talks, lectures and demos on many aspects of subjects around polyamory, kink, BDSM, leather, tantra and of course myriad LGBTQIA+ topics. (Not to mention many Shamanic workshops!)

However tomorrow I have the opportunity to speak TO the caregivers, the medical staff and practitioners who are working with and supporting TRANSGENDER folk up and down the UK.

This means the gift of a chance to speak to those people in positions of power (over our transitions) that trans folk have to navigate, helping them to see the issues around gate-keeping, sensitivity around language and practices, NHS ‘tick box’ procedure routes etc., but from the other side. Also naturally an opportunity to talk to them about mental health, correlation rather than causality (or indeed reverse causation) that trans folk have to endure throughout the process of transition itself. To speak about the different ways these people can make an incredibly difficult journey – that some simply do not survive – as gentle and kind as humanly possible.

Listen to and trust a trans person when they’re telling you their truth. It can literally be a matter of life and death for them.


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Goodness I should blog more!

Well it transpires I’ve been saying I’d put my rates up for the best part of ~coughs~ two years. Well today I finally managed to pull my socks up and do so. I’ve been resisting fiercely for a long time because I’m so passionate about getting therapy to the people who really need it, particularly the less privileged in terms of GSRD (gender, sexuality and relationship diversities), ability, BAME (black and minority ethnic) etc. It’s been difficult to rationalise raising my fees with that particular ‘mission statement’.

However the truth is that my rates have been too low for some time. People read that as either inexperienced or not very good and I’ve studied and worked for years, I’m worth more. I’ve been less than the industry standard by a good margin (by approx 1/3rd), so it was time to buck up and do it. Besides, my supervisor and accountant would divorce me if I put it off any longer!

Fact is my education and experience places me quite considerably higher than I have been placing myself. Thousands of hours of therapy over several years including nationally and internationally, more CPD (continuous professional development) than I can shake a stick at, teaching, speaking, facilitating and giving workshops hither and thither. Yes, OK I give in, I’m a specialist and I’m worth it.

Isn’t it hard sometimes to place proper value on ourselves?

Isn’t it difficult when our own values and moral judgement preclude us from what is good/healthy for us?

So, I came up with a solution I’m comfortable with. A stepped system of rates according to income. That way those who can pay shall, and those who can afford less will pay less. That FITS IN with my ethics and still puts my rates up to a more suitable value and energy exchange for the work that I put in. Did you know I work from 10am to 9pm on client days?

I still offer the part-bursary paid places for those less privileged (hopefully now slightly better funded and less out of my own pocket through the Patreon Page (PLEASE DO become a Patron via that link and help support this work, it’s SO important to me and more directly to the clients; it helps to access therapy who otherwise couldn’t). I still do pro-bono work when truly appropriate. I still offer the base rate for financial hardship that I was already offering.

However… huzzah. I finally did! it 🙂



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Please help fund this initiative.


Directly due to the wonderful individuals who have made contributions into the pay-it-forward fund, I have, this past month, been able to take on two more bursary clients from less privileged, oppressed minorities whether that be by virtue of race, differing abilities, sexualities, genders and mental health.

This is SUCH important work. Taking therapy out of the glass ceiling world of middle class, white, hetero-normativity and into the realms of those who really need the work that we do but genuinely cannot afford it.

I do not work exclusively with minorities, I am open to and do work with *everyone*, but I feel strongly not to exclude those who otherwise might find themselves unable to access real help, proper therapy and support when it’s most needed. That is why I set up this fund.

The fund is not bottomless, it is donated in pounds and pennies from people who truly want to help others receive this important assistance, into a separate account specifically called ‘pay-it-forward’. Often just being able to offer someone a half price bursary is sufficient to enable access. I personally MATCH the contribution from the fund myself if the client is unable to even manage that.

Please feel free to use the direct paypal me link (or paypal to and put reference payitforward and I will transfer it to the fund directly. OR ask me (private message or email) for the specific bank account details to make an online payment, or better still set up a small standing order!

Every single penny of your donations to this fund is spent on clients’ sessions; any administrative costs come out of my own pocket.

With heartfelt thanks from those clients already benefiting and those yet to come.

DK x


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Anger management

This is something I get asked quite a bit about and below is a useful ‘worksheet’ of tips to help you. I can’t remember whence it came in order to credit it properly, but it’s something I’ve used effectively for years. There IS work that can be done for anger management; this is a good place to begin.


1. Breathe deeply from your diaphragm.

2. Visualize a relaxing calm experience or place from your memory or imagination.

3. Repeat a calming word or phrase to yourself such as “slow down’ ‘relax’ ‘keep cool’. Keep repeating the words whilst breathing deeply from your diaphragm.

4. Listen to some relaxing music.

5. Try non strenuous exercises such as walking, yoga or even dancing.

6. Recognize if the person you are really angry with is you. Try to be less critical of yourself as this will continually sabotage any progress. Learning tolerance starts with yourself.

7. Use humour to ‘lighten up’ but don’t be sarcastic (sarcasm is another less obvious expression of anger).

8.When in conflict with others, try using I statements instead of you statements. An example is; ‘I feel angry/sad/upset’ rather than ‘You make me feel…..’. Taking ownership of what you feel is a crucial step in learning to manage your anger.

9. Practice forgiveness and letting go of your sense of injustice so that you do not get eaten up inside with bitterness. The world is not always a fair place and to have expectations that it always will be, will cause you to continually suffer disappointment.

10. Know when to seek help from a professional who specializes in anger management. If your anger is causing difficulties in your relationships or at work, now is the right time to seek help.

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Be you

Today you are you, that is truer than true, there is no one alive that is youer than you.

Who doesn’t like a little ‘nonsense’ or a bit of Dr Seuss in life now and then?


I was put in mind of this quote when my youngest daughter Lina took me out for a smashing day yesterday. We enjoyed the cinema and a meal out together. At one point, wandering through the mall together I was struck by the fabulous array of colours both in the background on a wall, and of her hair. So I took this shot and thought I’d share it.

What better example of being ‘youer than you’ could I ask for? That she’s comfortable enough to shine in her own colours. It certainly gave ME pause for thought, so maybe you should spare a thought too? What are your true colours? How can you welcome them, love them, and enjoy allowing them to truly ‘shine’?


Thank you

Would you like to work with me to discover your true colours? Contact me.

DK x

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John Lewis advert ~ loneliness

Who do you know who may be alone for Christmas?

John Lewis have done it again with a very well done, sentimental tear jerker with a sweet message. Hopefully it’ll prod lots of us to be sure to include our elderly relatives and friends in our ‘fun’. However, there is a bigger message here.

If every single one of us chose to reach out to just one person, there’d be a lot fewer people feeling so alone. No need to stop at just older people either; though loneliness can often be seen as endemic in being elderly, though they don’t have the monopoly on lonely. Also, why only think of it at holiday times? Christmas (and such like) may well exacerbate that lonely feeling, when it seems the whole world is celebrating surrounded by their loved ones.

How about you make it your mission to be a friend to just one lonely person. Any time. We can *all* do that.

However, if YOU are feeling alone this year, I’d like to extend the invitation to you for YOU to reach out. Let someone know. Tell somebody you feel lonely and would like to join in the fun.

…and if you truly feel you cannot for whatever reason?

Call me. Work with me. Let’s get you alive instead of alone. Smiling instead of sad. With people or someone, not drowning in your own company.

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“Pay It Forward”


A little background story…

I’ve seen several of these pay it forward kindness videos (see below) in recent months and frankly it gave me sincere pause for thought. I began to wonder how *I* could do something good like this. How could *I* ‘pay it forward’… and I hit upon an idea.

I do try to undertake whatever pro-bono (unpaid) work that I am able, from giving up one day per week (for the charity MIND for two years) to giving important educational talks freely when I’m able, to allowing for one pro-bono client every week. I also offer a discounted fee for clients in financial hardship and I undertake Skype sessions with clients for whom travel is either a physical, emotional or financial issue.

I feel very strongly that it’s important to do whatever I can to help make therapy accessible to all, including those lesser privileged i.e. minorities whether social, racial, of differing abilities or diverse gender or sexualities. But I still didn’t feel I was doing as much as I can.

THIS is a way that I – and YOU – can enable more of that work.

The idea was fostered by a client who – completely altruistically – ‘paid it forward’ by paying for a friend in need to have some sessions with me. I was so touched by this gesture, an honest wish simply to help someone, that I have worked out a way to incorporate it within my work.

Here’s how!

ANYONE, be they client past or present can at any time simply ‘overpay’ for their session; any overpayment will go into a separate fund set up solely to help pay for counselling for someone else, who genuinely needs to access it but truly cannot afford to.

Let me reiterate that clearly.

YOU can – by paying a little bit over (IF you’re in a position to and want to do so), from simply £1 up to a full session fee or more – pay for someone ELSE to do some work with me who otherwise would not be able to. Bear in mind these clients would be automatically receiving a discount from me, so that I can also personally contribute to each pay-it-forward session you enable!

IF you are not a client but simply someone who understands the value of the work I do and genuinely wishes to contribute to this program allowing others to access it, I WILL be setting up a Patreon page for this very purpose, so please do watch this space for when that option becomes available, but meanwhile if you really want to contribute to this pay-it-forward kitty NOW, then please do feel free to use the Paypal link below and be sure to add a note saying ‘pay it forward’!

Thank you. I vow to continue to do the work that I do and with YOUR help to enable access to it for those in need but less able to access therapy by themselves!

~doffs cap~

DK x

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~ DK Day ~

DK Day

Wednesday is always “DK day”, it says so in my calendar as a repeat and highlighted appointment. This particular appointment is solely for myself, a practice I have been enjoying for this past year, having realised that I felt I had very little time and energy left for me.

Therapists often suffer from ‘burn out’ due to working together with clients – often through very difficult challenges – can necessitate a certain level of resilience. I have discovered that by keeping one day ‘appointment free’, mid week, I avoid that! That is all about ‘self care’, in other words I practice what I preach.

Are you able to and do you succeed in good self care? Do you know how best to take care of *yourself* within the bustle and demands of our current everyday life? If you feel you’d like to work with me on this or anything else, do give me a no obligation call on 07973 788376I currently have two client spaces available due to two clients happily completing their work with me. I look forward to working with you.

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DK Green – The Kink Paradox – YouTube

Posting this here for reference and so you can all see it if you haven’t already and wish to.

This is the twenty minute Keynote Presentation I gave at the Pink Therapy Annual Conference; ‘Beyond the Rainbow’. The subject matter was challenging, enormous and tough to condense into a short presentation, but feedback suggests it was particularly helpful to many therapists present.

The topic was; When presented with a client with a history of traumatic abuse and a concurrent interest in BDSM, how does the therapist unpack that which is healthy and that which may need to be worked with therapeutically.

DK x

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